


Uncomplicated

by Steena



Category: Transformers - All Media Types
Genre: Car Porn, Humor, Masturbation, Playing Hooky, Porn Watching, Ridiculous, crack-fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-03
Updated: 2019-05-03
Packaged: 2020-02-16 17:14:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 431
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18695842
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Steena/pseuds/Steena
Summary: Barricade really enjoyed how his life wasn't complicated. Just flashing his lights, blowing shit up, and masturbating to Top gear. No, really, just that.





	Uncomplicated

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Distractiontime](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Distractiontime/gifts).



Barricade was so happy for his uncomplicated life.  _What was there not to like, really?_  Nobody torturing him, no unplanned pregnancies, Megatron let him blow shit up as much as he wanted to -  _a lot_  - as long as he didn't help Starscream too much, and the stupid fragging humans let him drive wild, even going as far as moving to create a rettungsgasse for him when he flashed his lights and whooped his siren - two cars with fleshies to the right, one to the left, and the road was clear for him to run down the middle.  _Well technically 3/4 from the right, but that's not here, nor t_ _here._

But this was one of those days he'd actually risk summoning the wrath of Megatron.  _Today, Top gear was on the broadcast._  Oh, he had seen all the episodes many times, but rerun or not...  _Well, fäbodjäntan still is popular, so we can't blame him, right?_

Pouring down a cube of mid grade, he sank down on the couch in the Decepticon base, in spite of being scheduled for patrol. It was the regular human chatter to begin with but then...  _oh, his favorite episode._  Lotus exige vs Apache helicopter. 

His panel popped, but really, who could ever keep their panel closed with that on the screen?  _Super slow motion, and rotors, and that hot little aft of the exige..._

Barricade grabbed his rock hard spike.  _If the goddamned Autobots would choose an alt mode like that, he might go the extra mile to catch the fraggers. Hot damn..._

The Helo trailed the car, flying obscenely low, and it reminded him of Blackout, who was rather easy on the optics.  _Except Blackout had a thick hub and long rotors to overcompensate for lacking elsewhere..._

The chase got more and more thrilling, his charge rising, and when the sexy little exige -  _the things he would do to that spoiler -_  slipped away from missil lock yet again, Barricade overloaded, transfluid dribbling out between his digits where he grabbed the head of his spike to keep it from spurting his fluids everywhere.

The Saleen slumped back against the couch, sated for the moment. Heavy pedesteps down the corridor had him scrambling from his seat, wiping his servo against the couch as he went.  _Megatron better not catch him playing hooky._  

He ran out of the base to go back on patrol, hoping one of the Autobutts hade scanned a new alt mode, knowing that tomorrow would bring a new episode of Top gear.  _Yeah, Barricade's life was so uncomplicated, and he loved that._

**Author's Note:**

> For mini 'Cade too. ;)


End file.
